Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
