I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
