so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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