Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
