Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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