I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
