hotel room ftw
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
