You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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