I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It was confusing and full of hummus
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
