Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
