Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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