I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
