She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
