Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
