Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The air was thick with penises
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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