Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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