just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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