i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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