first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
