Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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