His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
