Your face is a jimmy john
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
