this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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