You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
