A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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