how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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