if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
