His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Two words: blizzard sex
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
