so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
