this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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