I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
