plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
