U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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