woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
