your thong is hanging out like whoa
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
