She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
