my being single is dangerous.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
