For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
