There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
