I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
