We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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