Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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