she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
