just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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