It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
