He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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