On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
