Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
