I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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