Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
