i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
