She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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