i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
