We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
