when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
