just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
