actually, I'm a sock model
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
