she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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