6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
