oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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