He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
