If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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