just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
what day is it and did you see me today?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
