one word: firstdatebathroomanal
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
