How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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