Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
