Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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