her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
