I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
