Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
