they need to just BURY HIM!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
