Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
