so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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