Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
