I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
